I read this around the time when there were only about 20 chapters translated, but now that more have piled up, I have no motivation to continue reading. This is just my personal opinion on why I dropped this novel.
The main character (MC) - I don't like him. My first impression of him is that he's shallow, and I don't have a problem with that, honestly. It's mostly humorous and makes sense considering he's a teenager. His shallowness is mainly in the context of crushes; he treats everyone decently, but he's only romantically interested in people he finds attractive. There's no real harm done there. The real problem I have with him arises when he gets a crush on someone and how he acts toward his crush.
The MC falls in love at first sight, starting a one-sided relationship where all he does is obsess over a guy who hasn't spoken a full sentence to him. He has no real friends other than one girl he occasionally talks to, and no real hobbies other than staring at the male lead (ML) and doing this weird thing where he assigns the ML points based on how attractive he finds him or whenever the ML does something he likes, like saying a word to him. It's kind of creepy—imagine if someone you didn't know was out there rating you like that. I really don't like how the ML is the center of the MC's life before they've ever had an actual bond, all because he finds the ML hot. I know he's a teenager, but come on.
All of that is annoying but not enough to make me hate him as a character. The worst part of him reveals itself when he sees something in the ML he doesn't like or finds unattractive, which is what really made me lose all respect for him. He saw cigarette burn scars on the ML, and I kid you not, this guy sees that and proceeds to subtract points from him. Like, hello? That's so gross. Why is he treating the ML like a piece of meat to be rated? Imagine looking at scars on someone's body and judging them like that. I don't think even his age can save him here because what the f*ck? Most of the time, cigarette burns are from abuse, child abuse in this case, but for some reason, the MC assumes they are self-inflicted (if I recall correctly), which is just as bad because why the hell would you judge someone for that? Later, the ML admits to self-harming by cutting his neck, which sounds very serious, and what the hell does the MC do? He subtracts points in his head. That's wild. He seems to lack empathy and cares more about the fact that his object of lust is not as convenient or easy to obsess over because he's literally suffering.
I'm convinced the MC has limerence based on how obsessive he is, but he seems to be much more obsessed with his idea of the ML rather than seeing the ML for who he is. I vaguely remember the time the MC speculated the ML might have a stutter but then began coping against the idea as if having a stutter is some sort of crime. Imagine if it was true, now imagine having a speech impediment and some mf you simply sit next to and have barely spoken to starts judging you for it. It's hypocritical too. The MC is gay, he can't change that, and it's something completely harmless, yet people in his previous school judged him for it, and rightfully he finds that annoying. But does he not see his own hypocrisy for judging someone for potentially having a stutter?
I really feel for the ML since he's very obviously a victim of child abuse, and by process of elimination, he's the most likable character. He's understandably very closed off, but when he reaches out and actually takes the initiative to get close to the MC—sitting with him, walking to school with him, listening to him, texting him—it’s actually really touching. He’s trying to trust again, and he’s so cute in the way he communicates it. It’s really f*cking tragic because I wonder what he would think if he knew how the MC has been thinking about him all this time. I really want him to find a real friend, not someone who wouldn’t even glance his way if he wasn’t good-looking.
All that aside, the novel has some things that were enjoyable too. There isn’t much of a plot since this is a slice of life, but I actually enjoy more character-focused stories. The setting is pretty low-key, and I like that too. The ML is interesting, and it’s really sweet when he finally responds to the MC’s attempts to get closer. I appreciate when the MC took away the ML’s cigarettes so he doesn’t get in trouble; that was probably the best thing he’s done for him.
Now, this is just my interpretation of the characters, and since I have dropped this novel, it’s completely possible that the MC has a great redemption arc where he realizes his flaws and overcomes them, and every problem I had with him was purposely set up to be fixed later. But I have no interest in finding out because most of the time, expecting problematic elements in these novels to be addressed later has only disappointed me and wasted my time.
