Dear ultra, I gave you 5 stars for the sake of encouraging you. However, be reminded that no work is perfect and you have a long way to go in terms of storytelling.Although I understand Jack's bewilderment when he was not recorded as a hero, added to the fact that he woke up 1500 years into the future, he's quite an unreasonable character who lets his emotions overtake his rationality. And that is considering that he was a great hero. It's hard for me to believe that he's one when he acts so immaturely. Other than Jack, no other characters stood out to me since they have no unique propensities that would make me remember them. Perhaps I'm being picky, but that's the actuality when I was reading the book. Perhaps it's because it was not elucidated properly, the world setting and the magic/levelling up system is quite hazy. I do know that you can level up by killing another living creature. Though, that dismisses some laws governed by nature. Instead of encouraging one to level up, the levelling up system encourages killing to grow strong. Since this is a novel that focuses on action, I would appreciate if the fight scenes are narrated in an extensive way, focusing on muscle/limb/eye movements and the altercation itself. It's quite an evasion on using mere onomatopoeias in narrating rather than actual movements. The exposition is quite lacking, if I may say. You often use adjective in describing things. Utilize the wonders of prose. Adeptly use figures of speech. Make the readers read what you're actually seeing in your mind. Also, I have qualms in the changing of POVs. I think it would be alright to stick to one POV, the omniscient one. In that way, you will be able to show Jack's thoughts and what's happening around him. Regarding the grammatical aspects of the story, I've noticed several mistakes. There were a lot of missing/misused punctuation marks leading to run-ons, incorrect verb tenses, absent modifiers, and questionable word choices. Withal, heed my words that these can be proofread really easily. I just pointed them out to let you know that your work could look even more beautiful. Furthermore, divide your condensed paragraphs. It's quite tiring to read such thick passages, and readers tend to skip something like them. Overall, the elements are quite dichotomized. I think you could merge the ideas a little more. Rest assured that you're potential as a writer will still grow. I will be supporting you! [Sorry for leaving such a bad review]
