The Capture Targets Are My Biological Younger Brothers (NPH)

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i love the new kind of novels in this seems amazing so far.

Hey!Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email [email protected] are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). A brief introduction along with a few samples or links will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!

I generally have a rule that I don't review a story of less than 300 chapters, so reviewing one with less than 50 is a definite first.The easiest way for me to describe your story would be a diamond cut by an jeweler who will eventually become a master of his craft. It's somewhat rough and possesses some obvious flaws but it was obviously well thought out and executed to the best of your ability.If that sounds unpleasant go ahead and ignore it. The key part I want you to realize is that this is where you are now and I think you'll go far beyond it eventually. There is a semi-famous saying among writers that "your first million words are practice". This is part of that.I usually don't give targeted advice, because a.) it can be wrong and b.) sometimes you need to figure it out for yourself. I'll break that here because I have a lot of hope for the author you will grow into.First you need to understand the idiom of "Show, Don't Tell". Almost all of Myst's introduction was recounting what happened and consequentially was very passive. By just recanting what happened to him your not only not letting readers discover things and form their own opinions, your also creating a barrier that prevents them from caring about your characters. Readers care because they experience things with your characters.Second you need to work on your pacing. To be frank your story happened too damn fast. If you were where you are in the plot at closer to a hundred chapters in then you'd be better off. Characters get introduced and events happen at a break neck speed that if executed correctly would suck your readers in and have them captivated, but the flip side is that if the timing is off you leave your readers disoriented and wondering what just happened, confused about whether they should care about it.Your characters are exceptional though, even though they would benefit from better introductions and handling. Frankly you made the bold decision to introduce your MC from a point of failure, not just a low point in his life caused by external forces or 'fate' but one of his own making. This is exceptional, especially considering that most of what people put up here are masturbatory power fantasies as opposed to legitimate stories. You set your story apart with your characters and to a lesser degree your use of dialog.Keep writing, write a lot and write ahead if you can. Stories that rely on their characters to carry them need to update more often then stories that are moved by specifics of plot. Your readers read because they 'care', if there are large gaps in updates then you'll lose them.

"Tidak apa apa serly. Mungkin itu memang tuhan, Sekarang kamu ikutin intruksi aku aja"