This story has some seriously strong atmosphere.The writing is really vivid and cinematic, which makes the action scenes feel alive and intense. But at the same time, it leans a little too heavily into dramatic prose in almost every paragraph, which can make the impact of the big moments blur together. Not every line needs to be poetic (I do the same mistake) sometimes the simple stuff hits harder when it’s surrounded by quieter beats. Also, while the characters are intriguing their internal voices could be more distinct. Right now, the narration style feels a little too similar across the board. The worldbuilding is rich, but there are a few moments where exposition dumps slow things down or feel a bit crammed in. Letting more of the world unfold through natural character moments or dialogue might help the pacing. And speaking of dialogue, it could use a little more bite. A sharper edge or more personality in how characters speak would take the tension up a notch. Overall, though, it’s a strong start with real emotional depth and a lot of promise. With some polish, this could really shine.
