Vampire premise is interesting and different. I'm not sure how I feel about also adding a full dive video game aspect to it though. I'd rather one or the other, but it's just a personal preference.A few too many characters introduced who don't seem to have much relevance to the story or real originality that distinguishes them from any others that could be swapped in for them.The MC is rather funny at parts, but I feel like he's lacking some depth to his personality. His reactions and thinking seem somewhat surface level, and he's just doing things as events come to him. Maybe we'll get more of his backstory and deep/real reason for his motivations later. This impression is just to chapter 14.But most importantly on a reading fluidity aspect, there are a lot of blocks of text. There isn't enough paragraphing, especially with the dialogue where each time a person speaks, it should be a new paragraph. These blocks of text are long enough that it even bothers me reading on a computer, so for mobile, it's especially disgruntling.Besides that, the pace and rpg elements are nice, and the writing doesn't have many blunders in terms of grammar and such. Good job so far!
