This is great.The writing and plot development leaves much to be desired, having a open background lets you add characters and elements into the story anywhere you want to but it's a bad habit to make.You need to foreshadow and plan more how things can go, stacking events and descriptors one on top of the other does not a story make, that's just bad writing.Even as a comedy you tend to lean towards the more serious side whenever a harsh topic comes up. It's too careless to just change the tone, you have to break the tense atmosphere properly before running with a joke.At times, you corral your character's personality into single sentence or single word statements. If this was purely comedy it's fine but when you mix drama you need to avoid pigeon-holing your characters to stereotypes. This makes them less a person and more like a set piece used to work the scene.You rely too much on light novel tropes who also rely too much on anime tropes. If you're good it works, but like most light novel authors you don't quite realize certain gags work better visually than on text.You should read more wholesome literary comedies or watch more British humor to balance your slapstick with punny wit.
