I like how you describe things but, sadly, your grammar... It is only words that make your grammar wrong and if not, the sentence. Also, I suggest for you to tell us how your character feels too since it is 1st person. Please do tell us who Kerrigan is and how your character got to know her, helps readers who do not know what SC is. There are a lot of things that I can suggest but I think this is all I can say since you are using a POV that I am unfamiliar with. Anyway, noce story, hope there comes a time when you decide to clean the previous chapters b4 :D I'll keep this in my library!